My First Frankenstein and The Meaning Of Meaning

Part 1.

After the gig last night in Muse, there was an afterparty in an izakaya closeby. It was more fun than I expected, and I was still somewhat drunk when I finally went to bed around 4. Got up at 12 in order to dance at the qualifications for NF. Since it was early afternoon - too early for dancing, honestly - and my body still hadn't recuperated completely from the previous night, it didn't go as well as I'd have liked it to, but it wasn't bad, and in any case it was fun. We didn't make it through to the final event, but from others' comments and my own experience I gather it's because our kind of dance is more "artistic-kei" than "explosion-kei", and for these kind of huge events "explosion-kei" is better. Anyway, there are 2 other dance events around the same time as NF, and we'll be performing on both of those. More than anything, preparing the show was more fun than performing it would ever be, so no loss there. I love dancing, especially artistic-kei.

After having a bagel (not to be compared to the one I wrote about a couple of weeks ago) and mango juice at the Very Berry Cafe around Sanjo, I crashed at home for an hour and practiced for the recordings I was supposed to be doing right now.

Say what? Yeah, Yuuki (guitarist) and I decided to cancel today's recording half an hour before the planned start, because...on the way from the station where he picked me up to the studio, we were in a car crash. Completely the other party's fault, Yuuki's car is now a wreck and I'm currently enjoying my first Frankenstein experience, i.e. my forehead is stitched together. It's not as bad as it sounds - doc said it would heal by itself, but it would be faster with the stitches. Other than that cut coming from hitting my head on the windshield (I wasn't wearing my seatbelt *gasp*), my right arm's a bit numb and my right leg slightly sore, but I expect things to be back to normal in a couple of days.

Lots of firsts today: First, my first hospital experience in Japan. It's hard to trust the docs and nurses (who unfortunately weren't especially sexy) when they're so ridiculously humble - to me it sounds like you don't know what you're doing when you say "it seems that..." and "hmm, what shall we do next?" all the time. Assertivity over humility any day in docs. First CT scan ever, which revealed a calcium deposit in my brain - unrelated to the accident, and, I was glad to discover after checking it out online, very common and nothing to be concerned about if there are no symptoms of anything.

Moving on...first time meeting Yuuki's little brother (who picked us up from the hospital and drove me home), first time I bled from my head in an amount that might qualify as drinkable, and first time I heard this kind of accident is quite profitable for the victim party here in Japan - if I'm lucky, I'll be able to afford my trip to Hawaii with the compensation dough I'm getting.


Part 2.

When my face was covered with a white piece of paper during stitching time, the thought I was struggling to hold on to (first rapidly-fading-memory experience) was: "If you proceed from the pre-scientific point of view that mind (and therefore self-consciousness, the "I") and body form a duality (avoiding any attempt at defining the mind (or soul, whichever)) towards the point of view that the mind is a consequence of the body, you're likely to remain just as unsatisfied. Or at least, if you're as stubbornly curious as I am. Why? Before, you were wondering what the mind was at all and felt dissatisfaction for not understanding it. After, you know your "I" is just an illusion in a way, and after recovering from your initial sense of loss, you start wondering what you're supposed to do next. Even if it's an illusion, it seems so damn real! And since your thoughts, actions and everything related to you at all is fundamentally tied to this whole "I" concept, you (there it is again) can't do anything without it."

Does it make sense? I feel like I'm at an impasse of sorts. Morals, meaning, all these human constructions that don't have meaning (watch out! There it is again!) outside the mind...I can't put it into words yet, but if you're already feeling what I'm trying to say, please drop me a note with your thoughts. I wanna work it out. Anything will help. I'm addicted to thought. By the way, being in Japan is providing me with a fresh perspective on these things. Japanese thought, though more self-centered than I thought, is way less individualistic than Dutch thought, which makes for interesting observations on the one hand... but then it's not easy finding Japanese people interested in discussing them. No surprise: stepping outside one's frame of reference is so incredibly difficult (impossible?), I usually get stuck when I try to do it myself.

I was talking to Ikeyan today (seems like yesterday - time is playing tricks on me) about reality and dreams, the meaning of life, deep thought and all that good stuff, and after some discussion we decided that we would like to be animals or plants.

P.S. It's One Piece time! After three months of deficiency due to bad internet connections, I'm quite excited.