My First Frankenstein and The Meaning Of Meaning

Part 1.

After the gig last night in Muse, there was an afterparty in an izakaya closeby. It was more fun than I expected, and I was still somewhat drunk when I finally went to bed around 4. Got up at 12 in order to dance at the qualifications for NF. Since it was early afternoon - too early for dancing, honestly - and my body still hadn't recuperated completely from the previous night, it didn't go as well as I'd have liked it to, but it wasn't bad, and in any case it was fun. We didn't make it through to the final event, but from others' comments and my own experience I gather it's because our kind of dance is more "artistic-kei" than "explosion-kei", and for these kind of huge events "explosion-kei" is better. Anyway, there are 2 other dance events around the same time as NF, and we'll be performing on both of those. More than anything, preparing the show was more fun than performing it would ever be, so no loss there. I love dancing, especially artistic-kei.

After having a bagel (not to be compared to the one I wrote about a couple of weeks ago) and mango juice at the Very Berry Cafe around Sanjo, I crashed at home for an hour and practiced for the recordings I was supposed to be doing right now.

Say what? Yeah, Yuuki (guitarist) and I decided to cancel today's recording half an hour before the planned start, because...on the way from the station where he picked me up to the studio, we were in a car crash. Completely the other party's fault, Yuuki's car is now a wreck and I'm currently enjoying my first Frankenstein experience, i.e. my forehead is stitched together. It's not as bad as it sounds - doc said it would heal by itself, but it would be faster with the stitches. Other than that cut coming from hitting my head on the windshield (I wasn't wearing my seatbelt *gasp*), my right arm's a bit numb and my right leg slightly sore, but I expect things to be back to normal in a couple of days.

Lots of firsts today: First, my first hospital experience in Japan. It's hard to trust the docs and nurses (who unfortunately weren't especially sexy) when they're so ridiculously humble - to me it sounds like you don't know what you're doing when you say "it seems that..." and "hmm, what shall we do next?" all the time. Assertivity over humility any day in docs. First CT scan ever, which revealed a calcium deposit in my brain - unrelated to the accident, and, I was glad to discover after checking it out online, very common and nothing to be concerned about if there are no symptoms of anything.

Moving on...first time meeting Yuuki's little brother (who picked us up from the hospital and drove me home), first time I bled from my head in an amount that might qualify as drinkable, and first time I heard this kind of accident is quite profitable for the victim party here in Japan - if I'm lucky, I'll be able to afford my trip to Hawaii with the compensation dough I'm getting.


Part 2.

When my face was covered with a white piece of paper during stitching time, the thought I was struggling to hold on to (first rapidly-fading-memory experience) was: "If you proceed from the pre-scientific point of view that mind (and therefore self-consciousness, the "I") and body form a duality (avoiding any attempt at defining the mind (or soul, whichever)) towards the point of view that the mind is a consequence of the body, you're likely to remain just as unsatisfied. Or at least, if you're as stubbornly curious as I am. Why? Before, you were wondering what the mind was at all and felt dissatisfaction for not understanding it. After, you know your "I" is just an illusion in a way, and after recovering from your initial sense of loss, you start wondering what you're supposed to do next. Even if it's an illusion, it seems so damn real! And since your thoughts, actions and everything related to you at all is fundamentally tied to this whole "I" concept, you (there it is again) can't do anything without it."

Does it make sense? I feel like I'm at an impasse of sorts. Morals, meaning, all these human constructions that don't have meaning (watch out! There it is again!) outside the mind...I can't put it into words yet, but if you're already feeling what I'm trying to say, please drop me a note with your thoughts. I wanna work it out. Anything will help. I'm addicted to thought. By the way, being in Japan is providing me with a fresh perspective on these things. Japanese thought, though more self-centered than I thought, is way less individualistic than Dutch thought, which makes for interesting observations on the one hand... but then it's not easy finding Japanese people interested in discussing them. No surprise: stepping outside one's frame of reference is so incredibly difficult (impossible?), I usually get stuck when I try to do it myself.

I was talking to Ikeyan today (seems like yesterday - time is playing tricks on me) about reality and dreams, the meaning of life, deep thought and all that good stuff, and after some discussion we decided that we would like to be animals or plants.

P.S. It's One Piece time! After three months of deficiency due to bad internet connections, I'm quite excited.

Summer KICKOFF

It's been a while! During that while, it's been 90% humid 36-degree weather every day! Time to list some of the cool shit that happened since the last pix, as well as some future stuff:

• I passed my entrance exam! Both written and oral exams didn't go well, and I'm sure I left a bad impression of my intellectual ability on all the professors involved. But since I made it, I don't care that much! The MSc course will begin next April, which gives me 8 months to revise undergrad physics (and maybe study ahead a little bit), take more Japanese classes, and settle into my new apartment (which I hope to find within a couple of weeks) before getting completely serious. Ideal, is it not?
  
• I went to Tenjin Matsuri, one of the larger Japanese festivals, held annually in Osaka. One of the best things about that festival is this website, a truly sublime creation as far as websites are concerned. Be sure to indulge (I spoil you guys an awful lot, don't I...).
  
• I had my first jam sessions, with 7 different people in total, and I'm awaiting contact from a cool funky band I saw by the riverside last Wednesday soon to find out when we can jam together, since we were all excited about it. Also bought my stand and gig bag - they need some pimping, but I'm as good as good to go. Though my vacation, which has finally really begun, is quite full with short trips here and there, I aim to spend lots of time with my treasured red love. I saw her insides for the first time yesterday, and removed the evil loose screw that was making a ruckus.
• I went to a beer garden for the first time. It's basically a very informal all-you-can-eat-and-drink terrace on top of a department store. Rather less romantic and pretty than I'd imagined, but with people of all sizes and ages gathering and the food and drink being quite alright, it was very enjoyable.
• I met up with my friend Yuuki from London, who was in her motherland for a brief month. "It's a small world" kind of feeling.
  
• I lost my sunglasses.
• I got hold of the Jazz Jackrabbit soundtracks - videogame music is just the best. Nostalgia galore! (Who needs sunglasses anyway...)
  

Holiday plans:

• Biwako fireworks tomorrow, with Ego & other ppl.
• Beach house party in Kobe on Saturday.
• Uji fireworks on Sunday.
• Day trip to Nara on Monday.
• Meeting/clubbing with Koki on Tuesday (do I hear a FINALLY!?!).
• Leaving for "camp" with tutor Ryu, his buddy, and Tareq early Wednesday morning, coming back Friday.
• Leaving for Shizuoka with Misa & friends on Monday, coming back Wednesday.
• Leaving for onsen trip with Misa on Monday, coming back the next day.
• Leaving for Hiroshima trip with 100+ dancers on Sep. 4, coming back Sep. 7.
  
• 2 weeks of Tokyo.
• Finding apartment, studying music, jamming, dancing, partying, doing kanji, finally finishing downloading One Piece (DAMN it's slow).

YES!

Stress

Stanley Clarke's "This Is Jazz" collection of tracks .. works wonders for winding down on a rainy night.

Titinart just told me I seem stressed lately (though she hasn't seen me for a week), which put me to think. This is the last month of the Japanese course I'm following, so there's some exams coming up, which I guess puts a small load on my stress tolerance. Then there's Gion Matsuri, Kyoto's (and maybe Japan's) biggest festival coming up, where I'm going to be going for 3 days straight with different people (always including Misa), wearing a yukata (a very comfortable summer kimono made of thin cotton). This is in the week of 15 July. Also a bunch of other parties coming up - fun in itself, but leaving me with less time to do the things I'm supposed to do (am I really that much of a stresskip?). Then one of the main things is probably the fact that I need to save more than half of my scholarship each month for the coming three months if I'm to make a somewhat civilized move in September (2-3 months deposit, building up a furniture collection from scratch, etc.), which causes me to worry about money every day. Very annoying.

To top it off, I just checked my YITP e-mail, and Mr. Sasaki told me that the form and date of my exams have been fixed: a small, "not very difficult" written exam consisting of 2 problems from undergraduate physics, and an interview/oral exam probably consisting of me presenting a topic of my choice in detail and questions being asked about it. Sounds great, doesn't it? Except for the fact that the whole party has been moved one month! Written exam July 31, oral August 5. I'd started to recap undergrad physics at a very leisurely pace recently, but I guess I'm going to have to skip to the good bits. Oh well, assuming that it's still impossible to fail because of the usual circumstances (people involved in the decision-making process that determines whether or not I stay here get substantial financial profit by letting me stay, etc.), this will probably all turn out to be a blessing, since it means my "real" summer vacation starts a month earlier. But for the moment, it means stress.

Quiet Afternoon - I'm thinking of all the times I've gone crazy to this super-mellow fusion tune with its incredible sax solo. I'm sure Roel, Daniel, Murielle, Mara, Martin, Freddy, Alex, Maurits, Alexander, Mauricio and some others would remember if they heard the song. Definitely a theme song for life.

There's been some very positive stuff going on as well: last Saturday, ZERO was amazing. About 25 shows, some of which were *really* entertaining - the best I've seen so far -, most of the DJ time by 2 of my acquaintances who generally play awesome tracks, and my own first show. That went quite well, though I made some mistakes from nervousness, and was really fun. I think I'm going to get hold of a DVD of the show at some point, so I'll post the vid on youtube for y'all to see. Anyway, I'm looking forward to doing it again, and actually planning to organize a zoo-themed show for an event in November. I already asked most of my friends from the different styles, and so far everyone was up for the idea, but on second thought it's not that easy to find tracks that can be used intuivitely for animal moves. Working on it, updates will come with progress.

Today, we had a nice farewell dinner for Titinart, who's leaving for Thailand (and, later this year, for Europe), including a bunch of us and some of their families with 1-year-old children ... much fun, and not-indecent Italian food for cheap (soft drink refills yeah!).

I'm off to finish my kanji homework and grab sleep. Speaking of which, during a long nap yesterday afternoon on a bench in the hot shade of the university, I dreamed that I was a princess (or prince, can't remember), turned into a frog (it didn't seem nearly as Shrekky in the dream as it does in this writing), and had a bunch of stuff going on. Among other things, I had a dream (inside the dream) from which I really wanted to wake up, and upon trying to, woke up in the real world. Then I figured, "ok, I woke up, but the whole frog story was fun so let's go back" and put myself back to sleep and back into the dream, only to have the dream-inside-the-dream happen again. Repeat. Times four.

That dream probably came from my frequent One Piece watchings the last month. (I'm on a break right now because the next 100 episodes I downloaded are unsubtitled, and I can't be bothered to watch them like that).

Fast Energy Flow

Recently, I've been using every spare minute in the rare boring class to study useful things, cooking most of my meals (saves money), listening to Japanese conversation podcasts instead of music while commuting, watching 2-3 episodes of One Piece/South Park/docu's per day, sending e-mails to my friends in Tokyo to find out about their summer plans (I have to start buying tickets if I wanna do anything cheaply), downloading a ton of old and new music (King Crimson, Nightmares on Wax, Voivod, Elephant9, Los Amigos Invisibles, Scott Henderson, Jazz Liberatorz, Bootsy Collins, Junkyard Scientists, Yellowjackets...), reading Digg regularly, sleeping good amounts (had a nap dream today involving the movie Top Gun, which I've never seen), making new friends, chilling with old friends, getting drunk with all of them at different parties and gatherings, gathering a ton of study materials (websites, software), indulging in 30-degree afternoons, worrying about the entrance exam, e-mailing my professor about the details of the entrance exam, choosing songs for my first dance show (in less than 3 weeks from today), planning a Gion Matsuri kimono date with Misa (I'm borrowing one from her parents, hand-made by her great-grandmother (who is obviously still alive at 93!)), and feeling slightly impatient with regard to the progress I'm making conversation-wise. I'm TIRED!

Here's an interesting article I found on Digg: Is Google Making Us Stupid?.

I also went to Osaka for the first time a week ago with Misa, to see a friend of hers and her Spanish fiance. Osaka has a very different atmosphere than Kyoto - more fashion-conscious, faster, bigger, less old people. Looking forward to going there again many times!